Along with giving up smoking and cutting down on booze, there’s another thing you should be giving priority to this year: sorting out problems with your sex life that never seem to go away.
Make
this the year you get rid of the things you regularly squabble about –
once and for all – with these simple but effective therapist-approved
techniques.
But first, take this split-second test to determine if your sex life could really be in trouble...
Scroll down for Tracey's four sex solutions:
1. The magnet method
The magnet method transforms your fridge into an arousal indicator
If your problem is a sex frequency mismatch, this works a treat.
The
main aim is to stop the ‘Do they/Don’t they want sex?’ daily dilemma
which has both of you circling each other, sniffing the air for clues.
It
requires zero effort and it’s great for couples that don’t feel
comfortable discussing their sexual needs (you’d still be far better off
if you did, mind you!)
Tracey Cox has shared her four sex solutions
You need two fridge magnets, easily distinguishable from each other.
Each of you claim a magnet then move it once a day depending on if you do or don’t feel like sex.
If
the magnet is close to the top of the fridge, it means you’re extremely
interested; if it’s at the bottom, you’d rather be filling in your tax
return.
There’s a temptation for the
high sex person to leave their magnet at the top of the fridge
permanently and the low-desire person to weld theirs to the bottom but
you’re actually better off doing the opposite.
If
both of you try to resist your ‘natural’ inclination and deliberately
hover in neutral territory (the middle of the fridge), you might find an
interesting pattern emerges. The low-desire person - albeit nervously
and tentatively – (finally) gets to be the first to instigate sex by
inching their magnet above the always-up-for-it person, experiencing a
hypnotic twinge of sexual power.
The high desire person (finally) gets the equally exquisite glory of being seduced.
Some
couples keep the magnets on the fridge forever, others find after a few
months it’s removed the pressure to the point they’re happy verbalizing
their needs.
2. The I’m-in-charge libido booster
The idea is to get you to relish being the one in control rather than lying back and relying on them to do everything for you
If you’re arguing over who does or doesn’t initiate sex, try this program (for the person who doesn’t initiate).
During the program, your partner remains passive when you initiate sexual contact.
Make
it clear they’re not to take it further: simply accept and enjoy what
you’re doing to them. It’s important you spell this out or they’ll take
over and you’re back to square one!
They also need to give you permission to stop when you want.
Lots
of low libido people are too scared to start something, in case they
don’t want to follow through, so avoid even kissing their partner
because they know they’ll be badgered for sex when all they fancied was a
cuddle.
The idea is to get you to relish being the one in control rather than lying back and relying on them to do everything for you.
Initiation
sessions don’t need to be long or include intercourse or an orgasm for
one or both of you – just involve something sexy.
3. The five-minute clock
The five-minute clock method can help alleviate stress and resentment in the relationship - boosting your sex life
If
you find your arguments seem to go round and round in circles with
neither of you really listening to the other, this simple solution can
make all the difference. All you need is the stopwatch on your phone and
a quiet place to talk.
The next time you argue, instead of both talking over each other, set the clock for five minutes and try this.
One
of you gets to speak while the other stays completely silent and
listens intently, trying as much as possible not to react emotionally to
what’s being said. When the five minutes is up, the listener repeats
back what they think they’ve just been told.
This ensures you actually do listen, rather than spend the time planning what you’re going to say when it’s your turn!
Repeating it back also ensures you really have understood what they were trying to say, rather than what you think you heard.
We all use the same words to mean different things and if you got it wrong, they get the chance to set you right.
Keep going until both of you are totally satisfied you got the message then the other person gets a turn.
This will alleviate stress and resentment in the relationship - which can only help boost your sex life.
4. A lusty lucky dip
The joy of the lusty lucky dip is that
both of you feel safe – you know it’s something you’re happy to try -
but since you have no idea which of the ideas will be pulled out, it’s
unpredictable as well
I’ve used this technique successfully on lots of long-term couples who want to add sexual spice.
It
works a treat because, while it does involve the dreaded ‘P’ word
(planning), once you’ve done the initial exercise, it’s spontaneous sex
from that point on. Ready? Grab a pen and paper and both of you write
down 10 new things you’d like to try.
You
can do it there and then or give yourselves a good week to do this
properly. Don’t think about what you think your partner will agree to,
focus on what you’d like, aiming for a mix of simple ideas to those
which take more effort and the not-so-naughty right through to outright
wicked!
Once you’ve both completed your lists, swap and go through and approve or disapprove each other’s suggestions.
Most couples end up with about 6 or 7 on each list they’re both happy to try and compromise on the rest.
It’s fine to say no to a suggestion, just be prepared to give specific reasons why you don’t want to try something.
Now rip up the sheets so each suggestion can be folded solo, place them all in a jar and shake them up.
Once a week from now on, one of you picks a slip of paper from the jar and does whatever it says.
The
joy of the lusty lucky dip is that both of you feel safe – you know
it’s something you’re happy to try - but since you have no idea which of
the ideas will be pulled out, it’s unpredictable as well.
No comments:
Post a Comment